Thursday, June 14, 2007

Objectified by Connotation

It's interesting, I'm hung up in the comment, "objectified by connotation", but not because I feel like I am trapped by being percieved in a certain fashion. Krista and I were talking about something similar yesterday evening. I was saying how I feel like one of the places I've had the opportunity to grow and change when I moved here is because I no longer feel like it is necessary to connotate anything. I appreciate what is affecting me, or who is affecting me, but trying to place every human being somewhere in the line of friend, or girlfriend, or husband, only causes more confusion. No relationship is the same, they cannot be categorized within the apparent strictures of society.

*This next paragraph can be skipped over, it was how my train of thought went, but looking back, I suppose it isn't actually the same thought, but a related one*

(Being platonically in love, or sharing bodies to bask in a fount of positive energy, or a healing kiss to an old woman. Sleeping, touching, walking, dancing, admitting, staring, admiring, complimenting, all should be done with abandon and a clear conscious. Labels promote folkways that promote following others' guidelines to life. No wonder we are all so horribly unsure of ourselves. In a compiled rulebook, no one is fulfilled completely. Wow. I seem to be getting further and further away from the original thing I wanted to say...anyway.)

Even one person,be they entertaining or irritable or limber, each adjective leaves less space for them to be existing as THEM. Until more people realize human beings can't be defined without restriction to one human's perception of another, we will all be held back from our true abilities to create a self. I think, and this is my first attempt at articulating it, so bear with me: The self is infinite (working with the fact that is IS something, abstractly tangible as we develop it), but as we are defined by ourselves and others, while it isn't possible to detract from the infinite, we (human creatures) get so hung up on the adjectives that are attempting to define us that we lose track of our own ineffability.

Part of why it is so important to me to spend time by myself is because I need to re-ground myself, and sift through/examine/discard my definition of self. I AM myself. Words detract from truth. Nothing is absolute, nothing is black and white, happy or sad, new or old. Everyone can be anything and everything. We are capable of it, even if we are not sure how to get there.



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